Exercise to Build EQ

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EQ Faces

The Emotional Intelligence leadership model (sometimes referred to as EQ) has been getting more attention recently in light of what has been observed with the millennial generation filling the professional workforce.  Some millennials have been known to reject traditional management styles using structural control since they respond more to intrinsic motivators.  The most skilled leaders will invoke intrinsic motivation since it’s the strongest and most effective.  Emotional Intelligence is one tool that has been found as a major component in successful leaders.  A CEO should use EQ with their leadership team just as a shipping/receiving supervisor can with their warehouse clerks.

Level-headedness and self-control are key characteristics in a leader with high EQ.  It requires a large amount of looking inward to identify and prevent reaction responses.  It also shapes one’s outlook in order to establish the most effective connections with others which is needed to build intrinsic motivation that so many millennials crave.

How many times have you found yourself pulling your hair out because so-and-so is continually not “getting it”?  Or snapping at someone since they keep creating issues when there shouldn’t be?  How about when it feels like that person is hopeless at seeing the big picture that you see?

This isn’t uncommon.  Take a deep breath and put on your EQ hat – it’s time to reframe.

If you change your perspective, not only will you start feeling better and calm your recent short-tempered attitude, you’ll start responding in different ways that can help them improve.  The best part is that reframing is easy; here’s an EQ exercise that will start the process –

  • Set aside a solid 5-7 minutes – no interruptions!
  • Make a list of all the positive things that individual brings to your team or organization
  • Start with the most simple things (smiles a lot, writes short emails, dresses nice)
  • Think about the last thing that they did well to contribute
  • Lock onto those thoughts and move your pen as fast as they enter your mind (makes quick decisions, speaks clearly, saves money whenever possible, creative, good with numbers)

This may start slow, but as you put your mind in a positive mental position, it propagates more positivity and things start to flow more easily.  Soon you’ll begin to feel better and more levelheaded when thinking about the situation.  What changed?  Not them, it’s you – this is the first step of having high Emotional Intelligence.

A positive frame of mind will slow your reactions and naturally change your tone and message which will help establish the necessary connection to understand what the problem might be.  You still have to do the legwork in addressing the issue (this process certainly shouldn’t neglect the fact that there might be a major personnel problem), but getting rid of the frustration that before was right under the surface will keep your head clear to provide insight the way a leader should.

I use this technique before any review or semiformal check-in.  I’ll dedicate a block of time to mentally (or emotionally) prepare and write down 3-4 things that they have recently done well.  I may or may not actually bring these things up in the discussion but it starts me with an elevated level of EQ.

There’s plenty out there to read up on the many aspects of Emotional Intelligence; you can start at www.6seconds.org