Are you Listening the Right Way?

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Being a good listener is one of the most important qualities for a leader - I'll even go further and say it's one of the most important qualities as a person.  Are you doing everything you can to ensure your communication is effective?  Dr. Ralph Nichols was an authority on the art of listening and developed 10 principles to make sure we're effective doing it -

  1. Capitalize on thought speed - We talk at about 125 words per minute, we think at about 500, that gives us almost 4 times the thinking time as we need in a conversation.  Use this extra time thinking about what's said, mentally summarizing, and don't turn your thoughts to something else.
  2. Listen for ideas - Find the main points and weigh them against each other.
  3. Reduce emotional deaf spots - Each of us might have trigger spots that naturally cause us to tune out (taxes, technical topics, politics, in-laws, re-orgs, etc).  Identify what yours are and understand why.
  4. Find an area of interest - Find a way to make an uninteresting topic one that can apply to you or be of interest.  If you're going to spend the time in the conversation, you might as well learn or engage meaningfully.
  5. Judge content, not delivery - You're trying to understand the message they're telling you, not pay attention to their jittery words, lack of eye contact, or poor hygiene - offer some gum if it helps!
  6. Hold your fire - Some can get too excited too quickly, judge a point before understanding, and some are addicted to watching people flounder trying to answer their difficult questions.  Overstimulation can be just as bad as under stimulation
  7. Work at listening - Some call it active listening; it's hard to keep your attention and be engaged with a topic you think you already know or aren't naturally interested in.  Don't worry, expressing genuine interest doesn't mean you accept their point of view.
  8. Resist distractions - Concentrate and do what you can to avoid distractions - shut the door, draw the blinds, and put the clicky-pen down.
  9. Hear what is said - Don't fall trap to selective hearing.  Try summarizing back what they said at the end to ensure you got it.
  10. Challenge yourself - Seek opportunities to practice your listening skills and build a desire to improve.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” - Ralph Nichols

 

Manning, C. & Curtis, K. (2012). The art of leadership. McGraw-Hill.